Rise

Eyelids open to a white ceiling. Not completely white though. Places are gray and others slighly yellowed from water or age or something. A finger twitches. The pinky pinky finger, to be exact, twitches for a minute or so, as if some otherworldly force compelles that solitary finger to incessantly struggle against sleep. Eyelids and pinky fingers. The only external body parts moving. And the insides are moving slow.

What of waking thoughts? A tidal wave at low tide. Fireworks on a black night. A newly opened oven, stuffed with sweets, in a sterile kitchen. A chance meeting with a lost, loved, relative. Thoughts overwhelm like old emotions as pungent as inimitable baking goods. It's sensory overload of the mind.

Birds, small birds, chirp cheerily outside. Creation woke earlier and gently requests for company. The invitation is broad in scope. Nature isn't a picky host, all that's required is life, to simply be alive. A twitching finger, open eyelids, wonderous thoughts, and an all incompassing invitation. Tough to turn down.

Now if only I can get these blasted warm covers off.

The Unprepared Visitor

"Last night I was about to throw it all away." Elliot Smith

I came by on a Friday night in high summer(1). Glowing clouds hid a ruddy semi-set sun, and as I entered through the front door, its rays cast a long shadow over my face. The halflight warmed my back, the only warmth likely for me that evening.

You sat on a worn, green couch with deep cushions. Soft light from the lamp on the antique oak endtable highlighted your face and hid the lower points of your satin contour. The lamp also revealed a table cluttered with glamour magazines, book review journals, and dirty dishes. A weak fragrance, pinesole, barely masked a distinct funk from the soiled carpets and half finished meals. It smelled like home.

She smiled when I entered. Not at all what I was expecting. I stopped just inside the door, lingering in the warmth of the sun and her quivering smile. She put down an old tome, yellow with age. She loved old books and ancient words, and behind the couch on the far wall sat a bookcase. Its shelves held volume after volume of leather bound books kept in excellent condition. The bookcase was clean, freshly dusted, seemingly in step with the occupants priorities.

The weathered book was placed upon the flowery green pattern of the cushion beside her hips. She stood up, and I started. What was happening? An unfaithful, disrespectful, disheveled dump of a man had crossed the only threshold his heart feared. I was petrified. Was her warmth but a show? Could I detected any stiffness in her gait or hardened anger in her gaze? Only my eyes fruitlessly moved, searching for the signs I so expected. My fear and her potential anger rooted my feet to the gritty fake wood of the entryway floor.

One step and two. Three steps then four.

And a tears began to stream from her eyes.

Five steps then six. A seventh and an eight.

She only came within five steps of me. The sun had set on that Friday night in high summer, and I bolted for the door. I leaped down the five steps of the wooden porch flight chipped by time. Never did I return her gazed which I'm sure followed me out the whitewashed gate and down a narrow street lit by harsh blue streetlamps. The prodigal husband had returned to have live, searing coals heaped upon his head.

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1. The first line taken with permission from Christopher Wood.

The Weekend

My extended family are wonderful people and in general good cooks, so I enjoy traveling to Iowa to sample the pleasures of good company and food. Grandma and Grampa's house is different now from what it use to be. In a distance, fading past, my cousins and I would scale the walls of the old, decaying barn on the farm, feed the dogs with scraps, and climb the low branches of the maple tree near the house. Activity, motion, and noise all aptly described our play, but the pace has slacked of late. Wiffleball baseball with the younger cousins and golf were our only physical activities all weekend. This time the couch beckoned, as did a book. Yet, while the pace has lessened, the people I love are still there.

Time catches us all, and softly, seemingly blindly, carries us along a hidden path. Pay heed to the quiet chimes of the grandfather clock, for Father Time practices tough love.

Of Anakin and Death

The hideous red glow of Anakin’s lightsaber flashed, narrowly missing Death's skull. Death's black robes swished softly as he twirled and brought his light-scythe to bear. In rapid fashion, Anakin and Death parried the others blows and counterattacks. The two combatants ignored the sulfurous, molten lava a mere thirty feet below them. Both lightsaber and lightscythe flashed perilously near the single cable beneath the combatants feet. The weapon play rose to a furious pitch, and in a final clash the two came together, lightsaber and scythe crossed. Sweat pored down their blackened faces. Anakin’s brow furrowed. He reached deep with his emotions, called all his anger, despair, and pain to channel the force to a maximum. Just before Anakin began his final, devastating attack, Death laughed and stepped back. Puzzled, Anakin pushed forward to deliver the ending blow, but stopped midstroke as Deaths laughter increased.

"What’s so funny?" Anakin asked quietly, his tremendous temper nearing its boiling point.

Death fought his laughter for a few moments and managed to utter between blasts of laughter, "Why, this fight is so pointless." Laughter took him. He composed himself, stood straight, and with as much of a smile a skeleton could muster said, "I'm death, you see. All this time we've been fighting you didn't realize one important fact. I can't die."

Anakin face contorted, confused. And then paled as Death's lightscythe sliced the single cable keeping both bodies from falling into the molten lava. Anakin's hands clawed empty air in a vain attempt for a lifeline. Death simply leaned back and relaxed.

"Serves you right. You're picking bad odds when you choose to fight Death."

Stories In Bed

(Begin Preamble)
Is anyone else disturbed when they click on the "new web-blog" to start a new post and instead of their nice black and orange background, one is forced to write in a harsh white environment? I would be much more comfortable if the page xanga used for weblog entry displayed the same colors as my site.
(End Preamble. Begin Amble)

I want to write a story this summer. It will be as long or short as I feel necessary, but I hope for a long short story. A novel-light, if you will.

The idea came to me in bed, where all my best thinking takes place. If I could write with my head pressing upon a soft down pillow, eyes closed, and covers heating my curled body, I would. The problem is obvious. In such a relaxed setting, I would fall asleep, and for every nap perhaps a sentence or two would be written. I also would write well in the shower, but the problem of electricity, water, and me combine to make the option less appealing. However, in bed, I construct much of the plot for my as of yet unwritten stories.

The story centers on a character, male or female though I will probably make it male, who has always lived in the shadow of a mountain or cliff. He was raised and lived in a small village near by this foreboding cliff. As he progresses in age, the man feels a draw to the mountain and as a final adventure before retirement or senility, the man decides to backpack around the base of the cliff. To his surprise, the man finds a stair carved from the stone of the cliff, and he climbs. The cliff is tall, so tall its peak or top is constantly shrouded in clouds, so the man is wasted when he gets to the top. At the top, the man finds a modern home unlike those in the village inhabited by another man who could be mistaken for his twin. His twin identifies himself as Death, or the mans one personal Death. Death explains to a shocked old man how when a life is born so too is born a death. At this point, the two go talk in front of the fire place.

I haven't decided if the two will talk first and then Death will introduce himself, or the opposite, but that is the premise. The story will try to contain some quality dialogue and philosophical musings, but it will take me where it wants to go, philosophy or not.
Actually, the story will say, "You don't have the will or patience to write me, do you?"
I sadly respond, "I doubt it."
Thus sayith the story, "A pity. In that case, I don't want to go anywhere." And so the story, having spoken with Death, dies.

But for those whose hopes keep company with that elevating drug marijuana, I will try my best. Nirvana is not far off. Cheers.

(End Amble. Begin Post amble.)
Tomorrow, my brother and I are scraping, smoothing, and applying the proverbial elbow grease to some drywall so some washed up and washed out painters can do their jobs. I hate housework, and this comes close. But I need the spending money, since I don't see a dime of the money I make moving pianos. My father takes it all to combat my ever increasing debt to him. Sigh.
(End Post amble)
(End Post)

Sonic Royalty

"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire." Your Ex-lover Is Dead by Stars

Looking for good music this summer? Whats that? I can't hear you. Ah, good. An empahtic yes. I was hoping you would be enthusiastic. It makes my job easier. Hum?? Oh, I'm a music salesman obviously, and a damn good one too. Because I have my finger on the pulse of the music industry and can find the diamonds hidden by the ruff, uncut stone. Ok, Ok, I'll get on with the salespitch. Seesh, I was only building suspense. No need to be violent. Now, my roommate would describe these next three bands as emo, but pay no mind, because he calles everything emo. Fine! I'll give you the names, gosh. The first band is called Stars, and they hail from montreal. Montreal also houses the second band, named Arcade Fire. The third band, from London, titled themselves Bloc Party. I only have one real pitch for these bands, and that is to tell you to listen to them. Give these bands a chance, and your ears and brain will crown you king. Yes, if you listen to these bands, you will finally be the master of your own domain. Delay, and increase your mortal danger.

How is it warmer in Illinois than in Arkansas?

I drove home Saturday, stopped once for gas, and fused my back over the nine hour drive. When I left Arkansas, it was warm with a touch of cool. The entire ride home my car's airconditioning sheltered me from the outside world and as I drove north I remained oblivious to climate changes. I rolled into the driveway, turned my pint-sized car off, and opened the door. Warm, sticky air greeted me, to my great suprise. That's disgusting! Illinois should be cooler, more hospitable! What a strange twist of fate it is that I, who loves cool weather, must suffer more in Illinois than Arkansas.

Besides the weather, I am looking forward to summer. My brothers likely will force me to be more active, I will be making money, buying books and CD's, and working half the hours I did last summer. Delightful. Also, I have a more extensive network to keep in touch with friends online, staving off loneliness as best as possible.

During the drive home, some teachings from philosophy class caught hold of me and I decided to be more intentional with my time. Last summer I, when I wasn't working, I spent a fair amount of time watching t.v. I enjoy t.v., but it partially dictated my life. A touch of discipline should go a long way in improving my Russian language skills as well as my general knowledge of literature. The problem is, I think I've tried this discipline thing before and it very quickly devolved into undisciplined. Perhaps I should try harder? Get an accountability partner to whom I will lie too and avoid being disciplined anyway? Likely my drive to be disciplined will die, and so it goes.

However, I will read the remaining Sandman comics. Nothing can stop me. I am a man on a mission who cannot be derailed, slowed, or otherwise sidetracked. When life throws me something I am passionate about, I become very disciplined. Life usually pitches me things impossible to make a career in without crazy talent. Like writing creatively, or art. My life will end with me publishing a few lackluster history books and articles, with hundreds of equally lackluster and unprintable works of art on hold at various disreputable publishing houses. Sounds fun to me actually.

I will post more about my summer exploits later, after the exploits happen, as this is only the first full day I've been home. Later.

Is Anything Worth Saying?

I got this big box on my bed. It's Axis and Allies. I won it during my final in World War II, because we, the British, destroyed all others. Well, mostly the axis.

My roommate has the t.v. on right now. Discovery is airing homemade mini-dragraces scooting down their wooden tracks. Its called powertool racers. Stupid...

Anyway, I now own the complete game...

Wait. The show is back on. They have a special class of dragracers! Dangerous. Racers powered by CO2 tanks and even bigger CO2 tanks! Sigh.

The chances I will play Axis and Allies remain slim. My family doesn't play complicated games, and I have gained a bad reputation for refusing to play games with my family. Card games, board games, any games. I don't like playing...

No! NO! You must be joking. The stupid show has feminists dragracing queens. They called their racer the "Tramp On Wheels," to represent their sex at the competition. You have got to be joking. The racer comes with a head, a wig, and everything. The drama!

Watching t.v. while writing posts makes things interesting and provides for interesting content.

I might sell the game on ebay. The extra cash would be nice. But what is it with modern culture? How can shows like PowerTools Dragracer draw any audience? My philosophy professor would cite Kierkegaard's austetic life of boredom and its search for anything remotely interesting. But that cannot be the reason. The shows are too stupid to sate anyones boredom!

On a similar note, I can't wait for Star Wars III! Grown men moving things with their minds and fighting with colorful high powered lasers!

One must pick their stupidity carefully.

Serious Considerations

Fact #1: Everybody loves something.
Fact #2: Not everybody loves something useful.

Think of 1984. Remember the part with rats? When I say everybody loves something, everybody loves something like everybody hates a 1984 rat. This inverted rat, this something, inspires, burns with desire, and refuses to be shunned. Something is holy.

By useful, I mean utility. Useful cloths, shelters, and feeds. Something useful can be made a career. It brings home the proverbial bacon.

Desires are filled because people have put in the work and effort to create them. On one side of desire is passive reveling. The other side houses active motion.

For every story read, there was one written.
For every meal eaten, one was prepared.
For every successful business, a plan was created and pressed.
For every game enjoyed, a designer.
Behind every movie hides script, actor, and setting.
Every quality flight requires a pilot.
Every picture denotes a photographer.
And within every grand painting lives an equally grand artist.

I love many things. But for most, my love is passive. Failure is not an option when no action occurs. Every tried to get a couch potato to exercise? It is equally hard to instill passion in passive desire.

Depth

I had a conversation a while ago about depth which at the time left me a bit disillusioned and frustrated. The conversation was relatively short in duration, but I have always remembered it.

My family owns a piano moving company so a major part of my informative years involved sitting in a truck driving to a move. I usually napped or read during the trips. Due to my reclusive nature, I typically refrained from speaking. But every once in a while I tried to open up and hold conversations with whoever was in the seat next to me. This time my brother was at the helm.

I don't remember how the conversion begin, but my memory picks up with me stating some life aspirations. I described how I wanted to be a thinker and write books on such topics. My brother, upon hearing, inquired after some specifics. What kind of things would I write about? The obvious answer of course was "Deep things." I was feeling particularity clever with my next phrase, "Ya, deep things. Like what is depth?" I was inwardly congratulating myself for thinking of something I believed to be a sufficient answer when my brother began to chuckle and stated that thinking about depth wasn't deep at all. Honestly, I was taken aback. Philosophical depth seemed like a truly intelligent thing to consider. The problem was, I couldn't explain why I thought that. The only thing left to do was sit in silence and steam. Its a bit annoying to explain what you want to do later in life and have your example shoved back in your face. It's even more annoying to have no response.

I still think depth was a pretty good answer. Later, for one of my classes, I had to read a book called Moral Wisdom and Good Lives by John Kekes who had a significant section dealing with what he conceived depth to be. Did I know that at the time? No. But I get the feeling that most people don't consider depth to be deep at all. Depth, to most, has a simple definition. That which is not shallow. Such a definition doesn't describe or define depth at all. It is too pat and contained to fully describe a term meant for something extensive and incontainable. The more one actually considers what depth is, beyond simply that which is not shallow, the more there is to consider.

The previous post contains a story. It is by Kierkegaard. I didn't mention it in the last post because I didn't know at the time. Forgive me.

Out to Prove Ones Sanity

Recently I heard an interesting anecdote, maybe a parable, that reality promptly proved valid. It reads as follows.

A man had been held in a mental institute for fifteen years. Eventually, through good behavior and improvement during his sessions with a psychologist, the man was granted his freedom. Not dull, this man knew that once he entered the world at large, he would be judged poorly for his lengthy internment in a mental hospital. The impending judgment bothered the man greatly. In the weeks prior to his release, the man considered various options or methods he could employ to prove, undeniably, his complete sanity. Upon careful consideration, the man decided that upon his release he would express a confirmed truth. Once the world knew he understood truth, then no one would deny his sanity.

The day came and the man left. Having little money, he began to walk to the nearest train station. The streets on the way were crowded. In the middle of a particularly thick cluster of people near the busiest intersection, he decided to prove his sanity.

And shouted at the top of his lungs, "The world is round!"

Those nearest looked at him like he was crazy.

Thus ends the story.

A few days after I heard this story, I came across an individuals website. This individual claimed to be a Christian, and, in step with their perceived duty to enlighten the world, they viciously attacked anyone expressing contrary views. The individual made copious use of both profanity and bible quotations, mixed with libel and judgment, to spread their brand of the gospel. Now, I question nearly all of their proclaimed theology, but I question the method of persuasion even more. They are like the man in the story, only instead of yelling, "The world is round!" they declares it flat. What possible good will it do to present truth if it is packaged so carelessly that no one pays it any attention? Some people, like the individual on the internet and the man in the story, are really out of step with reality.

The Crushing Weight of Continuity

I love the title for this post, but am having a terrible time discerning why. The story behind it is a common exerience i.e. driving for nine hours straight, and was meant to reveal why after long car trips wear people down. Words, however, escape me because I am extremely tired. The mental effort of keeping my car on the road robbed me of all my mental reserves. The state of continual focus on a scene of pavement, trucks, and skid marks took all my cognitive abilities except those of the sensory perceptions. Mental strength and endurance parallel physical attributes. Both must be exercised or they will be lost, and apparently I need more practice.

Story One:
There once was a boy who thought very little. As he lay on his bed, his mind raced across a field of nothing. He could stand, eat, listen, and sometimes follow simple directions.

One day, the boy woke to his mothers call.
His mother said, "Come." He came.
His mother said, "Eat." He ate.
His mother said, "Listen!" And he thought about it.
"Do I have too?"
His mother smiled. That was a beginning.

A few months later, the boy climbed into bed at night. His mother tucked him in and turned off the lights. As he lay under the sheets, his mind raced over fields of color.

Story Two:
There once was a boy who moved very little.
His father kindly kicked him off the couch and made him play something.
The boy moved more.

Gotta love short stories. Short short stories.

Ode to the Victors: Movement One

Arizona basketball fans mourn. Your vaulted team, favorites of many a sportscaster, were handed a crushing, season ending loss. No doubt you believed in Stoudamire and Frye, both brilliant players. With only a few minutes to go, you confidently assessed the game situation and declared your team victor.

At that time, I did too. But we were all wrong.

Miraculously, the Illini battled to the last basket. Deron Williams made threes; Luther Head stole inbound passes and finished strong. Yes, as the fat lady waltzed on stage, the Illini basketball team tripped, grappled, and drove her offstage with a flurry of shots. Much like the unconscious fat lady behind the curtains, Arizona was stunned.

Illini 90 - Arizona 89 in overtime.

Eat it.

The Weapons of Love

I was chilling in Borders Bookstore today, reading as much manga as I could fit in before my mother came to pick me up. Blade of the Immortal, King of Hell, Hellsing, Samurai and Executioner, and Berserk were all on the reading list. Even a cursory glance at my selections should reveal my personal preference of high action. Assassins, samurai, and knights all dwell within those excellent pages. Mother came, sadly, and we went to pick up my father at church. As mother and I pulled up, my father turned the lights off in his office, indicating that he saw us and would come out soon. As it was raining outside, mother and I sat in the car and waited. And waited. Well, we didn't wait very long, but when you expect someone to come out in five seconds, two minutes is an eternity. Mother was getting a little impatient, and began to inquire about my father whereabouts.

Allow me to transcibe our conversation.

Mother: Where could your Father be?
Me: I don't know. Maybe he was ambushed by assassins.
Mother: No...
Me: I'm serious! The assassins turned off the lights as we pulled up to hide the gruesome details.
Mother: Well, you better go in and check. Let me know how long it will take.
Me: How long what will take?
Mother: Defeating the assassins.
Me: Oh. That shouldn't take too long. I'll likely use a few knives and skillfully disable them.
Mother: Why don't you disable them with love?
Me: How do you kill someone with love?
Mother: Well, you just need to change them with your love.
Me: Like the difference between life and death change?
Mother: Go get your father.

As you can tell, I had assassins and violence on the brain. And remember the next time assassins attack, defeat them with love.

A Cloud of Mystery

Have you ever moved a piano? Knowing the way pianos are usually moved, you should remember if you had, but, for those who have never experienced the wonders of this particular physical labor, allow me to describe due process. Imagine getting six of your strongest friends stacked around this massive object. A few simple steps follow. First of all, with six people around the piano, the fastest anyone can move is a shuffle. Second, since pianos have enough handholds for two, the remaining four people do nothing and only serve to threaten the balance in the air. Then come stairs or any other obstacle presenting itself in the middle of the path to and from the moving truck. Amatur movers consider the move to be successful if the piano can only receive a single wound to the structure of the piano like, say, breaking off a leg, and five superficial injuries like scratches, dents, and scrapes. Getting off with no damage is more akin to a miracle. That is the way people believe pianos should be moved.

And people are crazy.

Suprising as it may sound, there is a better way! For many there is only one step: call a professional piano mover. What's that I hear? You want to know how to move a piano without all the hassle? If you follow this one simple rule, your next piano move will be 100 times easier. Never carry the piano. Carrying a piano is about the dumbest thing you can do. The only reason you pick up the piano is to set it on and off a set of wheels called a dolly. From there you roll it everywhere it needs to go. Yes, there's a reason pianos only have two handholds. Only two people are needed! Two people are fully capable of rolling most pianos around any obstales. Stairs? No problem. Outside porch flights are perfect for ramps. Inside stairs require the piano to be placed on a skide and then slide up the stairs, but never, ever, carried up the stairs.

Yesterday I moved thirty one pianos. My father and I are machines. We were setting up a steinway sale, and at one point my father calculated we moved a grand piano from the truck into the store and set it up, lire and all, in about ten minutes per piano. You too are capable of such feats. All you need is experience, equipment, and the ability to remember one rule. Never, under any circumstance, carry a piano.

The Soundings of a Glorified Crow

Under the gun.

It is my distinct pleasure to welcome the random viewer to my blog. Allow me to begin the obligatory introduction and explanation of myself and this site. My intentions are to inform the masses. Topics will range from discussions on life and philosophy to exciting descriptions of the mundane.

Who am I joking?

Actually, I am more like a solitary raven. Just one big beautiful bird squawking, garnering no respect, and commonly associated with the evil crow.

In reality, being associated with a crow isn't that bad. Most people classify crows as pests, and they probably are. However, animals are pests for two reasons. First, when animals flourish then they become pests. Second, if animals are intelligent and skirt around the common human conception animal stupidity. Crows are smart, more so then the rest of their feathered brethren and also numerous. With two strikes, crows cannot avoid humanities negative stereotype. If only we could look past labels to the real heart of the creature. Crows and their bigger, most likely dumber, cousin the raven rock and should be revered.

In short, I named the blog Ravens Haunt because ravens reign and haunt sounds nice.